A BIKER'S GUIDE TO LIFE

Midnight bugs taste best.

Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.

Wear heavy boots. You can't kick things when your wearing sneakers.

Never argue with a woman holdin' a torque wrench.

If you're a complainer, ride at the back of the pack so you won't contaminate the rest of the group.

Never try to race an OLD GEEZER- he may have one more gear than you.

The size of the PISTON don’t tell you nothin' about the DEPTH of the stroke.

Home is where your bike sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.

You'll get farther down the road if you learn to use more than two fingers on the front brake.

Routine maintenance should never be neglected.

It takes more love to share a saddle than it does to share the bed.

The only good view of a thunderstorm is in the rearview mirror.

Never be afraid to slow down.

Only bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.

Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.

Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.

If it takes more than three bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.

Anything that shows up on more than two bikes is a FAD.

Remember that you will be judged by the horse you rode in on.

Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.

Pie and coffee are as important as gasoline.

CUBIC INCHES is what it's all about.

Remember your mistakes as well as your triumphs.

Don't sleep where your foot can hit the kickstand.

Drink Hard, Ride Fast, Die Young.

Good guys wear black.

When people think you're a rude, crude, scum-sucking cretin, they generally don't ask you stupid questions.

It don't take muscle to ride, but it takes grace to ride well.

There's more to ridin a motorcycle than holdin' on to handlebars and keepin' yer feet on the pegs.

Despite everything else, there's still some kind of kinship between a real badass biker and a cop on a hog.

Don't mess with the locals.

All motorcycles have personalities. Some are gold-digging harlots. Some are homicidal maniacs.

It's a good thing they make so many different kinds of motorcycles, 'cause no two people can agree on which one's the best.

Sittin' in a tavern doesn't put miles under your butt.

"BIGGER" doesn't always mean " more powerful."

The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.

Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm.

Sometimes it takes a whole tankful of gas before you can think straight.

If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principles. You may even have to shave.

Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.

Never hesitate to ride past the last streetlight at the edge of town.

Never mistake horsepower for staying power.

A good rider has balance, judgement, and timing. So does a good lover.

A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an

exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.

Never do less than forty miles before breakfast.

If you don't ride in the rain--you don't ride.

A bike on the road is worth two in the shop.

Respect the person who has seen the dark side of motorcycling- and lived.

Young riders pick a destination and go. Old riders pick a direction and go.

Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark plugs, a set of wrenches, and a roll of toilet paper.

Never offer to fight an OLD GEZZER. IF YOU WIN- there's no glory. IF YOU LOSE-your reputation is shot.

A good "wrench" will let you watch without charging you for it.

Advice is free and worth every penny.

Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.

Always back your scoot into the curb- and sit where you can see it.

Work to Ride. Ride to Work.

WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S BETTER DONE IN THE WIND.

Two lane blacktop isn't a highway-- It's an ATTITUDE.

When you look down the road, it seems to never end- but you better believe it does.

A biker can smell a party from 5,000 miles away.

Winter is nature's way of telling you to polish.

A motorcycle can't sing on the streets of a city.

Keep your bike in good repair: motorcycle boots are not comfortable for walking.

People are like motorcycles: each one is customized a bit differently.

More races were won in the tavern than on the road.

Never loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another's.

If the bike ain't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.

Motorcycling is a giant game of " MINES BIGGER THAN YOURS."

Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.

Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.

Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.

Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50-weight oil.

The best alarm clock is sunshine on chrome.

Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.

The twisties- not the superslabs- seperate the bikers from the squids.

Beware the biker whose ink peels off.

New leather don't smell right.

When your riding lead, don't split.

If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least five cars ahead.

Don’t make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.

If the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the door, support their view of life by snarling at them.

Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.

A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2a.m. to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when your broke down.

If she changes her oil more often than she changes her mind- follow her.

The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.

Catchin' a June bug a 70 mph can double your vocabulary.

If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.

There's something' ugly about the sight of a new bike on a trailer.

You can always hear a classic open primary- it sounds like $1.34 in change is loose in the friction plates.

Hunger can make even roadkill taste good.

You gotta be smart enough to understand the rules of motorcycling, and dumb enough to think the game's important.

Don't lead the pack if you don't know where you're goin'.

If you leave without one of your group, you better hope he doesn't catch up at the next stop.

Sleep with one arm through the spokes and your pants on.

Practice wrenching on your own bike.

Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.

Three things can't be trusted: a fart, a cook, and a rearview mirror.

BEWARE the biker who says the bike never breaks down.

Some bikes run on 99-octane ego.

Owning two bikes is useful because at least one can be raided for parts at any givin time.

You'll know she loves you if she offers to let you ride her bike. Don't do it and she'll love you even more.

Don't argue with an eighteen wheeler.

Don't lean on the horn 'til you're out of danger. Then blast it for all your worth.

Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.

Maintenance is as much art as it is science.

A good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up alot of gasoline.

If the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in the ditch long enough to appreciate what was here before the ashphalt came.

If you can't get it goin' with bungee cords and electrician's tape- it's serious.

If you ride like there's no tomorrow- there won't be.

Bikers parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.

If you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better be prepared to lead the group yourself.

Grey-haired bikers don't get that way from pure luck.

There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are no old, drunk bikers.

We don't need no steenkin' weekend warriors.

Thin leather looks good in the bar, but it won't save you from " road rash" if you go down.

The best modifications cannot be seen from the outside.

Always replace the cheapest parts first.

You can forget what you do for a livin' when your knees are in the breeze.

No matter what marque you ride, it's all the same wind.

It takes both pistons and cylinders to make a bike run. One is not more important than the other.